Humor that Inspires–for Teachers! Part II

If you liked the last Humor that Inspires, here are more to kick-start your day:

1. “It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
2. “If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.” – Mario Andretti
3. “I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure — that is all that agnosticism means.” – Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925.
4. “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” – Henry Ford (1863-1947)
5. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” – Warren Zevon
6. “There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
7. “If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
8. “The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.” – Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)
9. “Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.” – Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
10. “Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
11. “While we are postponing, life speeds by.” – Seneca (3BC – 65AD)
12. “Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?” – Bumper Sticker
13. “God, please save me from your followers!” – Bumper Sticker
14. “Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches.” – the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life
15. “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
16. “Luck is the residue of design.” – Branch Rickey – former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team
17. “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.” – Mel Brooks
19. “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” – Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
20. “Wit is educated insolence.” – Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
21. “My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
22. “Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
23. “A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.” – Gore Vidal
24. “Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.” – Samuel Palmer (1805-80)
25. “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
26. “The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.” – Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
27. “Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.” – Guy Davenport
28. “When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
29. “Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
30. “The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.” – Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
31. “We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?” – Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
32. “When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.” – Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
33. “In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite.” – Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
34. “I would have made a good Pope.” – Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994)
35. “In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.” – W.B. Prescott
36. “Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.” – John von Neumann (1903-1957)
37. “The mistakes are all waiting to be made.” – chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game’s opening position
38. “It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.” – Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
39. “Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.” – Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet) on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands
40. “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
41. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” – Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
42. “A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.” – H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
43. “There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.” – C. A. R. Hoare
44. “Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
45. “What do you take me for, an idiot?” – General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy
46. “I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.” – Bill Hirst
47. “Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.” – Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
48. “A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.” – Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
49. “It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
50. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)

Jacqui Murray has been teaching K-18 technology for 30 years. She is the editor/author of over a hundred tech ed resources including a K-12 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum. She is an adjunct professor in tech ed, Master Teacher, webmaster for four blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice, CSTA presentation reviewer, freelance journalist on tech ed topics, contributor to NEA Today, and author of the tech thrillers, To Hunt a Sub and Twenty-four Days. You can find her resources at Structured Learning.