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Humor that Inspires–for Teachers! Part IV

Posted by on August 20, 2014

funny quotesIf you liked the last Humor that Inspires (Part 1, and Part 2 and Part 3), here are more to kick-start your day:

  1. “It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.”
    – Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell
  2. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”
    – Robert Orben
  3. “The cynics are right nine times out of ten.”
    – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
  4. “There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.”
    – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
  5. “Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.”
    – Plato (427-347 B.C.)
  6. “Plato was a bore.”
    – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
  7. “Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.”
    – Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
  8. “I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.”
    – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
  9. “Hemingway was a jerk.”
    – Harold Robbins
  10. “Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.”
    – Epictetus (55-135 A.D.)
  11. “What about things like bullets?”
    – Herb Kimmel, Behavioralist, Professor of Psychology, upon hearing the above quote (1981)
  12. “How can I lose to such an idiot?”
    – A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)
  13. “Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
    – Woody Allen (1935-)
  14. “I don’t feel good.”
    – The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)
  15. “Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn’t cure.”
    – Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
  16. “Men have become the tools of their tools.”
    – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
  17. “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
    – Mark Twain (1835-1910)
  18. “It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.”
    – Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines
  19. “I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.”
    – Gore Vidal
  20. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.”
    – Woody Allen (1935-)
  21. “Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.”
    – Abba Eban (1915-2002)
  22. “To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.”teachers
    – Charles William Stubbs
  23. “Sanity is a madness put to good uses.”
    – George Santayana (1863-1952)
  24. “Imitation is the sincerest form of television.”
    – Fred Allen (1894-1956)
  25. “Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.”
    – Mark Twain (1835-1910)
  26. “In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.”
    – Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
  27. “Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.”
    – Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
  28. “Why don’t you write books people can read?”
    – Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)
  29. “Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.”
    – T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
  30. “Criticism is prejudice made plausible.”
    – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
  31. “It is better to be quotable than to be honest.”
    – Tom Stoppard
  32. “Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.”
    – Karl Wallenda
  33. “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.”
    – Sun Tzu
  34. “A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.”
    – Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC)
  35. ” The best way to predict the future is to invent it.”
    – Alan Kay
  36. “Never mistake motion for action.”
    – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
  37. “Hell is paved with good samaritans.”
    – William M. Holden
  38. “The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.”
    – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
  39. “Silence is argument carried out by other means.”
    – Ernesto”Che”Guevara (1928-1967)
  40. “Well done is better than well said.”
    – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  41. “The average person thinks he isn’t.”
    – Father Larry Lorenzoniteacher1
  42. “Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.”
    – William Congreve (1670-1729)
  43. “A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.”
    – Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
  44. “Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.”
    – Perelman
  45. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”
    – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
  46. “There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.”
    – Sigfried Hulzer
  47. “Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.”
    – Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying
  48. “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
    – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
  49. “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
    – Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
  50. “I think it would be a good idea.”
    – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization
  51. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
    – Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
  52. “I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!”trojan-horse-152800_640
    – Will Rogers (1879-1935)
  53. “If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” ”
    – Will Rogers (1879-1935)
  54. “The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.”
    – Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
  55. “Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions – it only guarantees equality of opportunity.”
    – Irving Kristol
  56. “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
    – Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
  57. “640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
    – Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981

More teacherly humor:

How to Talk to a Tech Teacher

18 Things Teachers Do Before 8am

You’re a Geek Now

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Jacqui Murray has been teaching K-8 technology for 15 years. She is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of dozens of technology training books that integrate technology into education. She is webmaster for six blogs, CSG Master Teacher, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, CAEP reviewer, CSTA presentation reviewer, freelance journalist on tech ed topics, a tech ed columnist for Examiner.com, and a weekly contributor to TeachHUB. Currently, she’s editing a techno-thriller that should be out next summer.

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